Lived Experience Forum

[HSP-BPDtraits]

Why do “neurotypicals” always blame the person with BPD rather admit their provocation?

I know it is our responsibility to take ownership of our response to a trigger. Yet why do neurotypicals not admit their part? I have had family members (of origin and marriage) intentionally ignore and discount my reasonable desires and requests and emotions. I find that to be manipulative and mean however they point the finger at me and take no responsibility for their passive-aggressive behavior. Do others of you experience this and have an answer to my question?

[Amour_Et_Psyché]

Hi @HSP-BPDtraits

A warm welcome to the SANE Forums! I apologize that you have not received a response to your thread yet. It is so invalidating when friends and family do not take accountability for their part in relationship problems - regardless of whether you have BPD or not! As we know, relationships are a two-way street - both people share accountability for problems within the relationship dynamic. In this vein, I completely get why you are so frustrated for this lack of acknowledgement. It sounds like you may even feel that loved one's have used your BPD as a scapegoat to avoid taking responsibility for the way in which they contribute to relationship problems? This is undoubtedly unfair.

I'm sure many people with BDP on the forums have had similar experiences. However, while you await some replies to your post, you may want to get to know other people with lived experience of mental illness is the "Introduce yourself here" thread.

Take care of yourself and please reach out in the forums, if you need!

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

[HSP-BPDtraits]

Thank you so much for your reply! I didn’t expect that. It’s fine that none have responded. I have seen that occur on various forums, even when I’ve seen the post as a well written and valid request.

I’ll go to the new member site now.