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14-11-2018 11:48 AM - edited 14-11-2018 01:34 PM
14-11-2018 11:48 AM - edited 14-11-2018 01:34 PM
Story of my life.
I have never been a forum kind of person, or one to reach out or ask for someone to lean on. Even just someone to relate to, because we all know mental illness is a horribly isolating thing to live with.
But, here I am.
I'm 25. I have two beautiful babies. My son, 4 and my daughter, 2.
I have struggled with mental illness in one way or another for as long as I can remember.
I remember being only a small kid, but my mood swings were violent and endless. I had a less than average up bringing. My life has been plauged by sexual assault, rape, physical abuse, emotional abuse, addiction and mental illness since the day I was born.
I have had an eating disorder, I spent 3 years in a state of different highs, without going more than 24 hours sober. I have tried to take my own life. I have hated myself so deeply I couldn't bare the thought of being happy. I have been on 10+ medications for a mental illness I still don't have a clear diagnosis for.
In the last 2 months I have been hospitalised twice for mental illness. I am currently coming off of a high dose of one anti depressant and being changed to another. Aswell as sedatives for night time. Bipolar is the general consensus. Major depressive disorder and chronic generalised anxiety also.
I am so exhausted and sick of struggling to keep my head above water. I feel endless guilt for not being a more stable minded mumma. I feel over whelmed by small adult tasks and I am a huge stress head over almost everything. Please tell me it gets better? Or that I am atleast not the only one?
My kids are the only reason I am still breathing. But more often than not, I feel like they deserve worlds better than me.
25 years of fighting to get on top, and I feel like I will never get there.
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15-11-2018 05:51 AM
15-11-2018 05:51 AM
Re: Story of my life.
Hi @Mummaijk and welcome to the forum. You've been through a lot over a long time and it's great to see you here reaching out