Lived Experience Forum

[Why]

i have recently been through a meds change and it has really screwed up my depression. I usually suffer from GAD, though I was starting to feel worse with my mood depression wise. So we decided a med change might be the way to go. 

Now though its been 6 months and I have just never felt like this for such a long time. Every day seems like its a repeat of the last, I'm sad unmotivated and just feeling like absolute crap. I see a psychologist regularly and we're working through it all, but GOD I just feel like screaming and pulling my hair out. I just want to cry all of the time that this is just what life is like now, I feel like it will never get better and that this is just my new normal. 

i don't know what i am really posting... i suppose asking you guys if there are things you do that you know always help you? I am really bad at guilting myself for not doing more, that 'im not helping myself enough' (which is entirely my internalised voice of my mother speaking). None of it is logical, but it is just so hard to be kind to myself.

[Zoe7]

Hi @Why It seems that this med change has made things worse so it might be worth a very frank discussion about whether this is the right med for you. I went through several med changes and different combinations/dosages (I think it was about 12 all up but honestly lost count). What works for one does not always work for another so having that discussion and seeing what else may help could be a good start.

For now just doing the simple things seems to be an effort for you - not surprising if you are feeling the way you are - but try not to focus on the things you are not doing and give yourself credit for the things you are. We are our own worst critics and throw in depression and that self criticsm seems to elevate. It really is not a mice place to be and finding the joy in any day is hard. I am lucky enough to have fur babies that for a very long time gave me a reason to live (at times that was even hard) but having them around has helped me enormously - that little bit of love that comes when you most need it and knowing that they are there with you through everything is gold. 

The things (apart from my fur babies) that got me through were the wonderful people on here, my supports and eventually starting to do a little of what I enjoyed each day - it was never anything big to begin with - sitting in the garden, writing, walking on the beach - then the more I did, the more I found I could do - then I got back into painting and would spend hours a day immersed in that. What kind of things do you like to do (or have liked in the past that you could begin with now)?

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @Why  🙂

I agree with @Zoe7 , a meds review might be needed. 

As for getting through each day, I think it's enough to be just surviving at the moment. Pat yourself on the back for having a psychologist that you're working through things with. Sit in the sun (if you like the sun). Praise yourself for just having a shower occasionally. Be kind to yourself. 

[wellwellwellnez]

Climbing out of depression ain't easy. Most helpful thing I can contribute is get technical and look at in in term of reward mechanisms. Not the whole picture but a pretty critical component.

I had a psych who advised, not just doing my baby steps but, remembering to pat myself on the back or reward myself in some way each time. It's the steady climb. To get the most out of your reward mechanisms, you need to maintain them, not just try and exploit them (and don't listen to the part of society that disagrees with that. They're wrong.)