Hi @MedicalMystery, it sounds like an extremely difficult situation. I know that fake persona well! It's like a switch you learn to just turn on and off. As Jynx suggested, you could try calling those crisis/support numbers, hopefully you would find them more helpful than the psych triage.
I'm new to seeing psychologists myself, only about 8 or 9 months for me now, but in that time and talking to other people who have used them for far longer than I have, I've learnt that some are better fits than others, and sometimes you just have to find one that works for you.
About six months ago, I lost a lot of motivation to do anything I used to enjoy. I had to force myself to start doing things at home that I enjoyed and found that once I started, even with just small things, it led to me feeling up to doing a little more. It wasn't easy because things always felt far worse while at home alone. I'm not say it solved everything, but it did help improved things and gave me the strength and motivation to try a little more. Maybe promising yourself to do the journaling again if you found it helpful before.
I really hope you can find what it is for you that gives you that extra strength to keep fighting through this... whether its those helplines, just sharing your thoughts here, or whatever else you find helps you and start seeing that light in the darkness. It's there, you just have to find it. Take good care of yourself and try to focus on how quickly things can get better when you're down this low.
