Lived Experience Forum

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Owlunar .... 🤗💕

I hear what you are saying, and it’s valid .... if the kids wanted to do anything else, we are not set on them attending uni .... it’s just that they are not in a state where they can engage with work or training of any other kind.  They could start slowly with part-time jobs, but both are stuffing psychosomatic stress disorders that prevent them from attending anywhere or anything reliably, and employers can’t carry them in that regard the same way uni counselling and study support services can, in conjunction with their therapists.

Some of this is collateral damage from their dad’s mi issues and resultant behaviour issues, some of it is recognising the personality traits within themselves that are a part of his disorder, and in some sort of resonance, they are struggling with a milder form of the same sort of underlying anxiety issues .... which is what is producing the psychosomatic responses.

I have only suffered psychosomatically when we have been under far more extreme tension, such as relocating my life and home earlier this year, which has distanced me from all my support people in the process, and I am having to build new supports, as the kids are also.  Unfortunately that was part and parcel of the set-back we had to undertake to be able to, hopefully, move forward in ways that were not available where we were .... this level of uni support being an example .... and stepping away from negative connections and associations we had previously.

This is all part of re-balancing for all of us, but it has also brought the issues to the surface where they can be dealt with .... for the rest of us that is ... not yet mr.f&h.....

[Zoe7]

You are being such a great role model for your children @Faith-and-Hope and keeping on trck for yourself in the process. You are right - it is important for them to see you doing the things that help you to look after yourself in a healthy way. With hoping also that your studies and achievements there will enable them to see it is possible to maintain a positive work ethic despite what else is going on in your life. I know they are dealing with their own MH issues and supporting them through that can be frustrating when you know they are capable of so much more but the illness gets in the way of that - you are doing a great job Hon and I am sure they will find their feet eventually, like everything when coping with MH issues - it takes time!

I woke once through the night and had to lay down again this morning - very tired still but my chest feels a little better today. I am going to try to get myself up and about to go to the pool. It is freezing cold here again this morning but I know the pool is warm and I will be home in no time afterwards in a warm house. The pool is only 10 minutes away so a short drive. If all I do is get there and do some walking then that is better than not going at all - need to keep the routine up!

[Faith-and-Hope]

Good for you @Zoe7 .... yes, it is important to keep that structure in place as much as you can .... it’s the framework to build other achievements and stabilising elements back into your daily / weekly life.

[Zoe7]

I am really hoping I can build on that and do the mornings volunteering at school before hyrdrotherapy on Tuesdays and Thursdays @Faith-and-Hope but I haven't yet been able to discuss that with the Principal. I was aiming to try to do that this morning before I gt sick again - so now will need to find another time I can go in to work - maybe Thursday if I am feeling ok then - that will most likely be very dependent on how I get through tomorrow at DBT and with pdoc. My pdoc app is an early one tomorrow so will have plenty of time to rest afterwards.

[Faith-and-Hope]

That’s good @Zoe7 .... the time to rest tucked in there .....

[Zoe7]

If I can make it through tomorrow then I may be more motivated also to go to work on Thursday but I am not going to push it too much - I have another week or so before applications close for the Christmas Pageant so I have a little time. I think I am also putting it off because I do not want to hear that I cant do it - that is a possibilty that I dont want to deal with as it would set me back again @Faith-and-Hope

[Faith-and-Hope]

I understand @Zoe7, and I am praying it all goes well with you.

❤️

[Owlunar]

I get it @Faith-and-Hope - I wasn't sure how many Baby Dragons you were talking about - I know that S2 and D3 need extra stabilization and I reflect on my own son and how he wouldn't stay at school - gave up at 15 - and if he had wanted a career as a labourer that would have been fine with me - but even that was too hard - he could never get his life into some kind of order and decades later I see it in a different light

Before he died when I was at university I had a lot of support from the services there - sometimes I moved out of home and stayed at the halls - and the staff were always supportive - I am sure you know yourself how hard it is to be steady in yourself with chaos bursting out from everywhere - and I am really pleased that you have returned to studies

I guess S2 and D3 will find their path when they are ready - you are setting them up with a good example and given them the chance with all the supports you can and this is great

I often wonder how much my ex-h's influence directed my son - he was a man who couldn't keep a job and didn't relate to our son with any real understanding but I cannot change the past - we can only work with what we have today

I wish you the best with S2 and D3 - they will find their own way in time - you are doing the right things in many ways for them

Dec

[Zoe7]

I really appreciate your prayers Hon  If I didn't still feel like shite I would have gone to work today but fell asleep again this morning after a not so great night - at least the thought was there - just been knocked down a bit again by being sick AGAIN - I do think I am handling it much better than I have in the past though - I can't change being sick - it is what it is and I just have to get through it. The pool today will be a real test of how I am coping - but as we have both alluded to - just getting there will be a win.

I hope you have a good session in the pool too @Faith-and-Hope

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks for your support and understanding @Owlunar, and I am so pleased to hear that uni supported you in that way as well .... it’s a powerful influence..... and part of what S2 had to move away from was the lack of support, in fact the extra damage inflicted, by the harsh attitudes of some educational staff there.  The emotional association is still there for him in regard to that institution, hence the fresh start over here.

Yes, we can only work with the here and now, moving into the future in daily steps.

💜