Survivors of Childhood Abuse

[Former-Member]

Thank you for your concern @BlueBay, yes I am safe. I have 24 hour support but he can't watch me all the time, I feel bad sometimes with the sh as I will steal away to do it when he thinks I am napping but it's something I just can't stop right now. How is your night?

[BlueBay]

Glad you're ok @Former-Member 

I'm tired. We had a late night last night or shoukd I say early mirning. It was m daughters birthday. I'm not used to late nights   So bed for me very soon. 
Take care xxx

[Aquamarine]

Hi @Former-Member hope your day has panned out okay and things are looking a little better. Good on you for reaching out here on this forum, I think there are many people here that appreciate your honesty about the pain you are going through. We have also sent you an email to check in.  You are really supported here - please take care 🙂

[Former-Member]

@BlueBay , I am sorry to hear that work is such an issue for you. Wish I had something to help ease you anguish. Thank you for your kind words 

[saltandpepper]

Hey folks @Former-Member @BlueBay @Bow @Powderfinger 

Hope you've all been going ok these past few weeks and seen more good days then bad. I haven't checked in to SANE for a little while, haven't been feeling real social lately.

Still trying to recover from my partner leaving and then returning. And my head is just a garbled mess at the moment trying to process some new information to do with family. I'm also finding that I'm getting frustrated with my lack of childhood memory. Some events I remember clearly, some events I don't remember--only what happened before/after. Some things I don't even know if they happened. Feeling like my life is all about trying to piece together the past and it's frustrating and exhausting. Occasionally, I get this sweeping feeling that it's all pointless and hopeless. I don't know that I'll ever have a clear picture of what happened, and at times it makes me feel... Like giving up. I'm missing pieces of me, significant parts of my past. Without them, it doesn't feel like I can function properly in the present.

I've had this 'right to information' form printed out and sitting here in the home office. It's been there a good few months now. I think it's time to fill it out but I'm hesitant. What if the deny my request? What if they don't? It's something I need to do, but it's a hard step to take. If they deny it, it'll be crushing. I'll have to reach out to people who I don't know if I can trust and rely on their account and view of what happened. I'd rather not do that.

There's so much going on at the moment, too much. My relationship, things with my Dad, things with my Mum, things about my childhood. Just so much shit to try and get my head around.

Anyway, I'm going to try and check in here more often. I haven't really seen or talked to anyone since xmas, just haven't wanted to, so should probably at least interact online.

Hope you guys are all going ok, let me know what's been going on for you these past few weeks.

Cheers guys

[Powderfinger]

@saltandpepper 

Im in a pretty bad way myself. I did read your post twice. Some things jumped out at me, I just got so much on my plate. I will try come back and get to it when I can. I really just got to sort me out right now. Hats off to you with how you are handling things, that is a lot for one person. I do suggest something has to give though before it gets much worse. Maybe sit down with a sheet of papaer and really priortise what is most important and think about what is in your best interests while prioritising. 

[saltandpepper]

Sound advice @Powderfinger It hadn't occurred to me that I can choose what to deal with and when, rather than trying to deal with it all at once. Thanks for the advice.

Sorry things aren't going well for you right now. If there's anything you wanna talk about I'll be here. Really appreciate that you took the time to respond to me especially given you've got your own sh*t going on. Hope things settle for you soon

[Powderfinger]

@saltandpepper You are welcome and I hope it makes a difference in reducing the overwhelm for you. I have a great deal of empathy for people, much to the bain of my existence sometimes. I just do not know how to show myself that empathy and compassion. 

I could share some of my childhood and thoughts about what you wrote concerning yours, I just do not think I can manage it right now as much as I would love to. My ex and I seperated very recently and she has now moved out. Un like your partner I am pretty sure she is not coming back. I have losted two threads about it all now, so I do not want to relay all the things I've already spoken about. 

I am finding it really hard to make sense of so many things now. I'm truly battling. I absolutely hate feeling like this every single day. I want to start making sense of things but I am not getting any closer to that. I don't want to see a counsellor. I just want someone to speak to me straight. I am getting really tired of trying to reach out. I am trying to stay connected. I just find I want to completely disappear, like I never existed. Just go someplace, who knows where and just sit there and do nothing at all. Somewhere safe, somewhere I can trust, somewhere where a thing cares about me and preferably not a human, somewher just away where I can sort me out, sort my head out, somewhere I feel I can just be me without owing anyone an explanation, somewhere where there is no drama, no fighting, no one hurting each other. Just somewhere. I am just so tired of talking and me talking being completely pointless. 

As for that paper you have in front of you that you want to fill in, it is hard not having any control of the what ifs and the consequences of the what ifs. I know how that can really cause a lot of fear. Perhaos your line of questioning can change. To try put the pieces of the puzzle together, what am I prepared to let go of and what am I not prepared to let go of in order to do that? If you can answer that question, I think you may find the courage is in you to proceed with what you decide. 

Powderfinger. 

[0space0]

I think this thread is a fantastic idea. Though I am sceptical of the title. Are we really 'survivors'? What have we survived if it still causes us grief, pain, terror, trauma etc. to this day?! 

I am a childhood victim 5-10 12-14, by the same abuser (my stepfather). He had stopped because I had come forward to my mum. But had to retract my statement because I was only a child, and could not care for her and she needed his care. No sooner after her death did he commence again.  

Is there a thread/support group for all the horrors experienced in one's whole life? Or are they just singular, opening up about each different thing under different threads?

[Eve7]

Hi @0space0 , there are different threads for different topics but sometimes several topics can be in the one thread.

We do need to be careful what we share in the forums so that others aren't triggered.

The Australian of the Year has just been announced and she referred to herself as a Survivor but a lot of us are still struggling with the horrors of childhood abuse.