Ask Anything Monday!

[utopia]

I also had a workplace incident that caused exactly the same diagnosis - depression, anxiety and PTSD. I am currently on Workcover and have been for 2 years now. But I'm unlikely to receive a payout.
My PTSD from the incident was treated by EMDR - which was a huge success - yes I remember the details of the incident, but there is no emotional or physical reaction to the incident anymore.
I haven't had a panic attack since early this year.
My depression and anger have been helped with medication and therapy from my psychologist.
Although I'm doing so much better now - I understand what you mean. I have changed. This incident has changed me forever.
I'm not as quick as I used to be. My memory is shocking.
My specialists and I are hoping I can go back into the workforce before this year is out. I've been working with my psychologist on my fears of going back to work. I used to be proud of the work I did. I loved my job. I was good at it. But now, I worry that I'm not as fast and won't be able to pick up new tasks easily.
My psychologist said to me:
Your new boss won't know how fast you used to be. Your new boss kay think that your speed is perfect. If your new boss pays you every fortnight - then that shows he is happy with your work.
So we keep doing CBT with regards to work. I keep practicing relaxation meditation morning and night (& during the day if I need to). This helps.
I am choosing a different type of industry to work in now. I will work for a business with one boss. No multi layered business - where it's too easy to get lost in the system.
So talk with your psychologist regarding your fears. Learn techniques that help reduce your fear.
You can do it. It's the first step that is the hardest.

[NikNik]

Happy Monday everyone!

Thank you @utopia for your response to last week's question 🙂

This week's question is:

I have never really felt like something was wrong with the way I cope with things. I am perfectly fine laughing and joking around with others. And in those moments I really do feel fine. It's not like I'm faking to be happy. I genuinely enjoy my life and the people I'm around.

But when I get home, and I'm alone it's as if a switch gets turned. It's like as soon as I have time to myself, time to think, I just crumble. I feel so depressed, lonely and bored.

The only way I can fix feeling like that is bawling my eyes out for about an hour or more if it's really bad and then I'm fine. As if it didn't happen at all. I have these 'cry sessions' about everyone once in a month or so. 

I don't know if thses 'crying sessions' are healthy. I never considered it weird until I a close friend asked me how I'm always so happy. It made me realise nobody actually knows how I feel. I have no interest in sharing anything with friends. I find it really hard to talk about my feelings to anyone.Is it even healthy to cope with feelings like that? And what would be a better way to cope with things? 

[PeppiPatty]

Wonderful question, thank you.

How are you today? How do you feel asking this question?

It feels like to me that there are lots of different guages of mental illness. I do believe that you are a kind and generous soul but: you have a lot on your mind. A visit to the GP will be a great option to have the system where they may suggest you see a 10 session free time with a Psychologist. 

Just to talk it through with a Proffecional. Questions like: what you have brought up here are asked to you in a very empathetic way.

I'm listening to the debates of the wanna be American Presidents. There is NO WAY that you have what one of the wanna be's have: You are not fake: sometimes, happiness can cover a little bit of fear about something thats happening in your life. But if you don't deal with it...

.it may grow, you know what I mean? 

Thank you for the question. I wish others ask this question, It's so valid that people ask why they have different moods in different settings. 

I'm not a proffecional therefore cannot answer whether you have an MI but you are so much more aware of yourself than I ever was. I only got to know avbout myself well into my 40s.

PP

[Former-Member]

IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE WAY YOU COPE? Great question.

Firstly, please indulge me for a moment while i reflect back what i hear you saying (correct me if I'm wrong)...

YOU SAY you genuinely enjoy your life and the people around when you're out socialising (joking and laughing) but concerned how, when you have time to myself, you switch to a different you - your thoughts take over and you feel depressed, lonely, bored. Its painful so you want to fix it - you bawl cry your eyes out which makes you feel better. You have these 'cry sessions' about once a month and wonder if its unhealthy?

When a 'close' friend asked you how you're always so happy - you realised you were not. Not ALL parts of you all the time. You realised 'nobody really knows you and you felt alone. But So far you haven't been interested in sharing deeply with anyone as its too difficult to talk about feelings. You wonder if its healthy to hide feelings like this and if there's a better way? 

--- how'd i go? ---

Crying is a release, a healing, a balancing out of the heart. I spent many years in tears, especially under a build up of stress. I try reduce that built up of stress these days before it overflows (nutrition, walking, thinking, therapy...) Your tears may be different. Actually, i saw online recently that tears have different configurations under the microscope - depending on the type or reason we cry, fascinating.

But about you, I think it might be a build up of stress - holding it all in, performing... but when you're home you release the stress with tears. Do you know what you feel at these times - can you find it in your body, can you describe it?

I do wonder though, why is it hard for you to talk about your feelings, your innermost thoughts, even to your 'close' friends? Do you have trouble articulating them? Or is it that you fear being that vulnerable with people? What they'd say, think or do? And how you'd cope if they hurt you? I suspect someone already has hurt you and that's why you shy away. You have the right to feel safe, but is it sustainable?

It does sounds like you really want to share all parts of yourself, be real and authentic. You instinctively know this would be a more balanced way to be, more real, honest, sustainable, less lonely. Maybe these two parts of yourself, when combined, will level the other out (be less extreme) - easier on you and and others.

Did you know some specialise in 'THE ART OF VULNERABILITY' I'm working on this myself at the moment. A good place to start is finding a good psychologist and start talking about it there (away from the risk of ridicule). You'll find its easier than you you think, and not so frightening.

The other thing that comes to mind is hormones. Having a good cry once a month is perfectly acceptable and more common than you realise. Try see if it ties in with body changes or outside happenings (even the moon🌒🌓🌔🌗🌘🌚. Be more gentle on yourself at these times. Alternatively there are remedies.

Also, have you looked at the difference between extroverts & introverts? You do sound like an extrovert (people who draw energy being around others), introverts prefer to be alone. I like to think we are both and need to find balance 🌞🌚

Its quite a journey - getting to know yourself properly and learning to love what you find (warts and all) . Many don't have the insight or courage to even try - you're well on the way, well done! ☺

[utopia]

Reflections: Growing up we used to always have a Sunday night movie - often a tear jerker.
So I'm feeling good. Love my friends etc.
But being able to have a good cry once a week I found really cathartic. Almost like a cleansing. A release of tension throughout my whole body - that I wasn't aware I was carrying.
Today after living with depression I now try to watch a movie that gives me a big belly laugh. Again it provides a release.
I wonder if doing the same once a week - so smaller cries may help you.
Loneliness: that's such a powerful - all encompassing emotion.
When lonliness builds up - you can feel so overwhelmed.
Is it a loving partner that you may be wanting in your life? Or is it having someone - a friend - to come home to at the end of the day?
If a friend - I wonder if letting out a room in your house may be an option. Someone around similar age. It's nice to come home and have some adult conversation and share your days news with.
I'd suggest having a chat to a psychologist or counselor about how you are feeling.
You can see a psychologist for free under the Medicare Scheme. Just ask your gp for a referral.
This could help put your mind to rest - that nothing is seriously wrong - and that you simply need to talk it out with a therapist.
You can also gets some tips from the therapist about how to cope with lonliness - so that it is not so over powering.
I wish you all the best.

[Shaz51]

Hello

Welcome to the forums

Crying is a release, a healing, a balancing out of the heart.

  in tears, especially under a build up of stress. I try reduce that built up of stress these days before it overflows (nutrition, walking, thinking, therapy.., soak in the bath , listening to music, gardening ect .)

But about you, I think it might be a build up of stress - holding it all in, performing... but when you're home you release the stress with tears.

 I have these 'cry sessions' about everyone once in a month or so. -- sounds like you know when you are going to have a "cry Session", when you can feel that it will be soon , have some "ME TIME"

[Former-Member]

Ask Anything Monday time.  Thank you to @PeppiPatty @Former-Member @utopia and @Shaz51 for your very thoughtful question to our last question.

This week a member asks:

Has anyone managed to get over social anxiety?  I'm struggling and feel like I'm going backwards half the time.  I'll keep it together to get to a lecture and manage to sit in a huge room full of strangers trying not to feel judged by them.  But then I get home and feel so exhausted that it seems impossible to think about doing it again.  My counsellor tells me that I should 'build on the success' but it never gets easier.   I figure she just doesn't really get what it's like.

So that's why I want to ask here.  Do people actually get over this?  Learn to feel safe outside of their home?  

[Former-Member]

I've slowly found it to get easier. I've got the opposite to most people, I'm most anxious in a small group, one-on-one and fine in a big group and also I get really bad driving anxiety after a car accident.

Have you learnt anxiety reduction techniques? Meditation/Deep breathing/relaxation. I find it really helpful. It doesn't stop me getting anxious, but if I do it regularly (one off relaxation doesn't work for me, I have to do it consistently) I find it helpful at reducing the anxiety to manageable levels whilst I am in the situation.
I get how exhausting it is. But I also think your counsellor has a point. Do you give yourself time to feel proud of yourself and reward yourself when you do go to lectures?
I also used to get really bad anxiety in public spaces after being sexually assaulted as a kid. I did EMDR and that really helped for that kind of anxiety. And it got a lot better.
There are lots of different therapies for anxiety, depending on what's caused it and what works for you. Perhaps talk to your counsellor and let her know that you need extra help?

[Shaz51]

Hello

I asked my husband this question that you have asked

and he said it takes a long time get over social anxiety, But I think one day at a time  and step by step

My husband can not go to too many social events  he feels so exhausted after ir too , But I tell him I am proud of him of what he has done

your  counsellor tells you  that you  should 'build on the success' ---  I think she means to focus on what you have done and to think I have done it today

tomorrow is another day , then when you  get home , relax and do some "me time " , something you enjoy

[utopia]

I suffered from PTSD and as such had awful panic attacks. Where I would literally freeze on the spot and drop to the ground.
I found great success with EMDR therapy as @Former-Member also did. (This is not an advertisement for EMDR).
I have not had a panic attack since Feb/March this year - & that one was mild.
I know social anxiety is different than what I dealt with - but I think similar therapy could help.
I listen to relaxation meditations at least twice a day - this really helps with my general anxiety. I download the aps for free off tge internet.
Unfortunately - there is no quick fix. It takes time to practice these skills and then put them into practice during moments of anxiety.
The reason your therapist is telling you to congratulate yourself - for the things you have achieved so far - is because that's also a therapeutic way of healing our brains. Your brain learns positive self talk - and then you end up with less negative self talk.
Please keep working on this. You are getting there & with practice - very soon you will find a huge improvement with your anxiety.
Just picture it now. Coming home from Uni or the movies or dinner - with no total exhaustion - but still full of energy