Lived Experience Forum

[PeppiPatty]

But, you two...What haappens if your friend is really ill ? Can't you fit them in somewhere ? 

[Shaz51]

I know what you mean @PeppiPatty my friend xx

when I wrote to find a balance in caring for others and caring for yourself  ,

which is very hard as you want to keep going and going and you want to be there for them

[utopia]

I don't think this question is as simple as it first appears. We don't have any information to go on.
Does this person want your help?
Can this person do for themselves, what they are asking others to do?
Are they trying to get better?
Are they following doctors orders?
Are they being self destructive - drugs, alcohol, lifestyle choices?
The reason I ask these questions - is that some people need to be 'sick' - want attention - won't help themselves.
If this is the case - educate them in what they need to do. Ask them to do the work. If they are unwilling, maybe that's when you walk away.
I agree with the other responses here. You need to look after you first - before you can look after others. So if it's impacting your life too much, you may need to step back.

[PeppiPatty]

; I didnt see her all weekend,( the question was from me)  she wants to see us every day, I just can't do it but feel very 

Arrogent not going.

She rang me this afternoon sobbing saying that she thinks that she's dying and I said that Ille take her to the Doctors with my husband.. 

I dont know if she has other help. I know that she has other friends who go and visit her. She has got genuine problems...

like the beginning of ms bad symptoms......

but I can't. I feel so arrogent and bad. 

@utopia your message makes so much selce when you say some people need to be 'sick,' want attention. 

[utopia]

@PeppiPatty. You can only do what you are comfortable doing. If every day is too much - what can you or are you willing to do? Once a week? Drive to medical appointments? Do her grocery shopping? Or maybe nothing.
It is your right to set boundaries.
We all have a limit in what we can do / give. And we have probably all experienced that person that we just can't help. It may be their unwillingness to help themselves, or let us help, or they may rub us the wrong way, or they leave us feeling terrible (energy suckers).
Only you know how you truly feel about this person & helping her.
Don't be hard on yourself.
YOU must always come first. It's not greedy. It's not self indulgent. It's self preservation.

[PeppiPatty]

Oh golly @utopia

I took her to hospital and stayed with her and she was sent home. When we were srivinghome and shes going on about how much her children hated her, she called them being demanding.

Today, I'm just staying home letting my husband fuss around me. 

I realise it's spending times in Mental ill health but ......there may need to be more Social Workers out there visiting people in lonely, breakdown situations or something......

I'm so lucky Ive got you all to help me through this time. Thank you.

Im not able to commmit to see her until next Monday. Once per week. She is unwilling to help herself. YOur words are good for me to read. 

[utopia]

@PeppiPatty. Maybe you can encourage her to get online and join an MS support group. So she can also get the support and help and friendship that we get on this forum.
Well, you can mention it to her, anyway.
You are lucky to have a husband who will now fuss over you. Enjoy it.

[NikNik]

Happy Monday everyone!

Thank you to @utopia @PeppiPatty @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Former-Member for engaging in discussion on the last question.

Our first question for 2017 is:

I have been in & out of hospital for 5 years with my mental illness. Most of the time is voluntary and it's for about a month or so. I have found hospital to be... well not pleasant, but really beneficial for me. Most of the time my meds needed a change and the hospital is the best place to do that.

I often hear people talk about going to hospital as a terrible thing and I'm starting to wonder if there's something wrong with me because I find it very safe and reassuring to go?

Is going to hospital such a bad thing?

[utopia]

I don't think going to hospital is a bad thing. When I had awful suicidal thoughts, once I was in hospital, I knew I was safe. I knew I wouldn't follow through on my thoughts. Going to hospital saved my life.
I think there is a big difference in people's experiences, depending on whether they are in public or private hospitals. The two systems are like chalk and cheese when it comes to the support and services they provide.
I think it shows maturity and knowledge on your part, that you know when you need to go to hospital & you do so voluntarily. It sounds like you are very proactive with your mental health. Well done.

[BlueBay]

Hospital is definitely not a bad thing.  I have been admitted voluntarily in a private hospital 5 times over the past 6 years.  And each time I have found it to be beneficial.  I feel that I can have my own space in my room, have the support from the nurses and psychologists as well as group therapy. And just chatting to others.

I think you should just trust your own gut instinct - if you are happy and feel comfortable then that's great.  Everyone has their own experience with being in hospital, some good some not so good.

For me, it's been a great thing.  I've had meds changed while in there and I know it's the best place for me to just take a breather for a few weeks; time out for me and no one else.

Definitely recommend it 🙂