Lived Experience Forum

[ArraDreaming]

Hi everyone, 

I wanted to make this thread as a bit of community for parents managing their mental health. 

I thought this wasn’t as appropriate for the Carers section as such because we are the ones managing our mental health as opposed to supporting others with theirs, so I hope this is in the right place….. 

We can share experiences and challenges and connect. 

The only thing I would ask people to be mindful of is sharing in detail and the anonymity factor,  your family members have a right to privacy just as much we do if even we are the ones caring for them,   so keeping that in mind when sharing 

About Me: 

I am a dad of 3 kids under 6. 
I identify as Arrernte from Central Australia. 

I live with a history of trauma, adhd and anxiety 

My biggest challenge is managing my anxiety, how I cope with sensory overwhelm associated with having adhd and how my own significant childhood trauma plays in my mind about how I parent. 

Personally this week has been one of the hardest where I feel like my parenting capacity was questioned and essentially put under threat. I have had to manage how I respond to this and make sure my kids aren’t affected by it while also managing the weight of my previous trauma and own experiences related to this from the past. 

Tell us about yourself,

what is your biggest challenge? What is your favourite part of being a parent?

How do you manage your own mental health to be there for your family? 

[tyme]

Hey @ArraDreaming ,

A great and highly needful thread! 

As most know, I'm not a parent, but I parent my three nieces/nephews. They are 3, 6 and 8 years old.

They bring a lot of joy, but also a lot of heartache.

It's not easy being a parent. I can see there's a lot journey ahead.

[ArraDreaming]

Thanks @tyme
I thought after this week a support team was important

It definitely is the hardest job I have ever done yet most satisfying and rewarding
Every day is a challenge

I guess to be upfront I became a parent a lot sooner than I anticipated which has had its own set of challenges

[tyme]

Absolutely agree that it's the hardest thing in the world, yet also most rewarding @ArraDreaming 

As they say, it takes a village to raise a child.

[ArraDreaming]

Then add mental health @tyme

[tyme]

Yes, and as kids grow up, you may find they have their own MH struggles. Consider the upcoming teenage years too @ArraDreaming 

[ArraDreaming]

@tyme Managing parenting and mental health is not easy, both of those things are everchanging experiences that can look different each day, no day is the same with either of those
I wonder what other people do to manage the juggle with both, what strategies do they have in place?
I know for me I have learnt that taking a step back and walking away is an ok thing to do, if I feel like i could blow my top, it’s ok to walk away, make sure the kids are safe and then leave the room or take a moment to reset then come back
This is a lot easier before kids are mobile / you can clip them into their chairs or put them in the cot for a minute but in saying that with older kids it’s also perfectly ok to say “dads just having a break going to the bathroom etc cause he’s a bit frustrated right now”
I have found being really honest especially with the older kid has been important
“i want to listen to what your saying if you give me one minute to focus on what im doing then i can talk” as opposed to letting him yap in my ear for 20 mins, while im trying to focus on something which envitibly leads to me feeling frustrate and overwhelmed
It means i am not overdoing it and my brain can finish one task then dedicate my time to the next (him) which is a better outcome for both of us as he knows I am listening fully and I know my brain is not screaming at me because there is so much input I can’t process any of it

[ArraDreaming]

The way my brain works is multiple stimulus = 0 input it’s like my brain shuts off

If I am for example reading an email or paying a bill on my phone, and my kids are screaming and you are trying to talk to me about something, none of that goes in… the more stimulus the less that goes in, and the more stimulus the more my brain goes AHHH and I get overwhelmed
And it just all boils over because I can’t be there for everyone all the time at once
So by being honest about that I hope it helps

[ArraDreaming]

There are a lot of things about my mental health that I sheild from the kids but also they are just kids and for some things it is helpful to name how you are feeling and what you are doing it to manage it because they haven’t developed that sense of being able to read someone’s body language and stuff yet, so it is learning for them but also as the adult experiencing the mental health problem it’s your responsibility to manage it not theirs some things they don’t need to be exposed to either

[Bow]

I appreciate this thread.

I’m a single mum to an 8yr old daughter. I have parented her on my own most of her life. It’s been hard. 

My mental health started to become an issue again about 4 yrs ago when she was about 4. I try very hard to shelter her from the impacts of my mental health, but it’s not easy. Hospital admissions are tricky, especially lengthy ones- thank goodness for my mum and that she and my daughter have an amazing relationship. 

I struggle with parenting guilt. Some days I reach my capacity and I need to tap out. I either need some time out or I need to go to bed very early. Other days my mental health behaviors… hmm I guess become a priority before anything I do with my daughter- that feels terrible. I often don’t have the energy or the capacity to do things that are fun or that my daughter might want to do. I feel terrible that I have let things slip simply cause I don’t have the capacity to deal with (her bedroom is an utter disgrace and she spends way too much time on the iPad)

But I absolutely love being a mum. I love being her mum. It’s my greatest joy. I love all the hugs. I love when we can spend quality time together doing things that we both enjoy. I love seeing her flourish at school, learning new things, achieving things and making things with her vivid imagination.