Lived Experience Forum

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks @Zoe7 .... 💚

i might be a bit quiet for the rest of the afternoon.  Have had a run-in with mr.f&h and need emotional wind-down time ..... but hanging out in the forums helps me with that ..... so I am here, but quietly so.

😡☹️😔

[CheerBear]

😔 @Faith-and-Hope. Lots of these 💜💚💕

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks @CheerBear 💕

[Zoe7]

So sorry to hear you had a run in with Mr. F&H Hon. I hope you are feeling a little better as the afternoon progresses @Faith-and-Hope Have you been able to do any of your art or has that been too difficult to concentrate on?

I have slept most of the afternoon - was going to have a quick nap and then do the lawns but I slept for over 2 hours. The lawns will have to wait now  Babies are fed so will settle in here for a little while.

[Faith-and-Hope]

It’s another one of those situations that only makes sense to my mr. @Zoe7 .....

I have had to ditch my art assignment this afternoon because he has landed an ultimatum, with no warning, that if I don’t set up the rental unit this afternoon with all the goods I have 90% accrued by tomorrow (I have classes all day) he will have it all ordered again .... ??!! not caring that what I have put together would then be superfluous .....  and taking up storage space that we can’t afford ..... and a waste of money and resources ..... and what he would be re-ordering would be arriving outside the timeframe he has stipulated ...... and there is work to be done re carpets cleaned and walls patched and painted across the next week or more anyway ..... ???!! 😧😳🤔  And trying to discuss any of this with him was met with dragon-fire and  my-way-or-the-highway arrogance ..... and a rant about needing to get the property earning money (says he who is c/s’ing lots of $$$ every day) .... and apparently he doesn’t have to talk to me nicely because this is business, and he is a business man .....

Go figure.  I can’t make sense of it ..... 

I am having coffee ice-cream for dinner ..... everyone else can sort their own while I start my homework then  ..... and then I will be called an “absent parent” by he who worked seven day weeks throughout the kids’ childhood ..... 

Rant over ..... grrrrr 

The coffee ice-cream is nice anyway .....

[Zoe7]

Rant away Hon - it is so frustrating for you and so unnecesarily unfair @Faith-and-Hope

I know this is his controlling behaviour but there are no excuses for this latest outburst. It is ok for him to be away half the weeks but you are the one being labelled as an 'absent parent' - doesn't matter that the b.d.'s are grown and need to find their own ways either - if he doesn't have control over everyone then takes it out on you. I know you will get through this but you shouldn't have to Hon. 

Enjoy your coffee ice-cream - every little bit of it. Let them get their own dinner and don't feel guilty about it - if Mr. wants to paint you as an 'absent parent' let him - you and the kids know that is far from the truth and that is most important.

These are the days I wish I was there with you but I also know I wouldn't hold back in giving him a piece of my mind - grrr.

[Faith-and-Hope]

It’s his mi playing up @Zoe7, because the thinking is wonky ..... distorted ..... and the behaviour so affrontong and abrasive .... these are the hallmarks of his illness, but they are so grrrr that it’s hard to reconcile to that in the moment and find the way forward around the obnoxious carry-on.

The forums are such an incredible outlet because I can dump all this here in the moment, have a good cry about it when the tears do come after the anger has subsided ... and everyone understands.   This is not the actual behaviour that needs dealing with ..... this is symptomatic behaviour ..... as you have rightly said, it is seated in the need to control, and the eating disordered personality changes.

[Zoe7]

We know his behaviour is part of his MI but that doesn't change the effect it all has on you Hon  ...and my concerns are all with you  Yes it is great to have the forums to unload all this but you deserve to feel safe in your home environment and that kind of behaviour affects that. I know you have immense strength, courage and insight but as a by-stander here I do worry about you and hate seeing you upset in this way. I also know you are doing what you can for your kids and they are your priority here - that doesn't make it any easier to deal with though.

This kind of behaviour ultimately affects everyone and often gets worse before a point where it can be seen by others - I hope for you this doesn't happen but that is my fear here - especially this illness is not uncovered and he gets help.

[Faith-and-Hope]

I think his appearance is starting to give him away @Zoe7 ..... and it’s scary to think of how quickly that can slide once it reaches a tipping point ..... but I have done everything I know how to try to prevent us having to witness it .... hopefully the kids will be back in their studies and managing them by then.  You are absolutely right - they are my priority.

[Zoe7]

From what you have told me Hon there is not much else you could have done in your situation. ...and despite you doing everything you can to try to shield the kids, they are smart baby dragons and I am sure they can see it too. It does not make it easier @Faith-and-Hope for you but you certainly have made it easier for your kids - and I am sure they already recognise that.