Lived Experience Forum

[SkySeeker22]

Hi @Alap 

Welcome to the SANE forums.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this, especially after being with your partner for so long.  I know how narcissistic people can make us feel and it must be so horrible for you to have that coming from your partner.

Are you able to describe/explain some of the things that are going on for you at the moment or touch on how we can support you here on the forums?

I know reaching out to others in these types of situations can be hard, but well done on posting here.  We are here for you!

Warm regards,

SkySeeker22

[Asgard]

Hi @Alap 

As @SkySeeker22 said, welcome to the forums, which is essentially a big family that is here to support one another.

Are you still with your partner or are they an Ex.    I suppose any advice would really require an answer to that question.

How can we help you?

[Alap]

I am still with her because of culture and community. Also kids. I just realised all narcissists symptoms and every single minute i am feeling whats going to happen. How simple things someone not understand and start arguments. After 4 times simple said thats you are hurting me and same does again and again. Today again emotionally i trapped and sanetging happened. She asked me delet all video as a proof i have taken and i m stupid i have deleted. Again she started to treat me. I cant call my family friend or anywhere to explain what m i going through because she already creat my image. Can no sleep can not focus really need a help. We went to marriage counseling together and same day big drama happened. From my side i go there because improvement and from herside she can blame. We are together for showing off to people however not sleeping together i dnt remember we have kiss eachother. More

 then 7 years. Nothing lie i m writing here as a man where i share this one. Ohhh i sacrificed somany things which doent matter for her. No accountability she is always perfect and right and if i want share my feelings she start with me me me me and never llisten so many things i want to share 

[Alap]

Thanks i was thinking that. 

[tyme]

@Asgard @SkySeeker22 , I believe the two responses above were for you 🙂

[MermaidHair]

Hey @Alap I'm hearing you. All these behaviours you describe do sound very selfish and like your needs and feelings are not acknowledged in the relationship. It also sounds like you have done a lot to try make things work through trying to communicate and attend counselling, it has also been going on a very long time.

You mentioned you can't talk to friends and family because she has created an image of you, do you have anybody else you could talk to who she hasn't been able to speak with? You need your own support, maybe an individual counsellor or other support person who is there just for you.

The MensLine Australia could be a good resource for you to talk to someone, they offer free 24/7 counselling online and on the phone.

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this, it's so hard when you've been with someone for so long but the relationship is not good for you. I have an ex partner of 6 years who was very narcissistic so I really feel for you and get it 💜

[defaultusername]

Hi @Alap, 

I'm sorry to see that you've been struggling for a while, 15yrs is a long time… and to have the added pressure from your community and culture must be difficult.

It sounds like identifying that your wife's personalty type may be narcissistic must have been quite an eye-opening experience for you. And I can understand that dealing with someone that is challenging can often make us feel like we're not only questioning reality, but even our own sanity at times.

The fact that you have both attended marriage counselling is really good, did you find it helpful in any way? I also understand that when you are dealing with a narcissist, they may not be fair or reasonable with what they share to themselves or to other people.

I'm sorry that you feel so unheard and unseen in your current situation, that must be very isolating for you. You did the right thing in reaching out, but it sounds like you do need to speak to someone for some support.

I agree with @MermaidHair, Mensline Australia (https://mensline.org.au/) are a wonderful support service specifically for men and their contact details are:

Phone: 1300789978
Online chat: https://mensline.org.au/phone-and-online-counselling/?https://mensline.org.au/phone-and-online-couns...

Here are also some resources with relationship advice - https://mensline.org.au/relationship-advice-for-men/ 

Please know that you're not alone and that we are all here for you.


Looking forward to hearing from you,

defaultusername

[Alap]

Thanks to everyone and i have booked the appointment on next week see what will the options and suggestions.. i still cant believe that why she is doing that.. and lie tomuch and in second change the statement. Ohh my god its so painful after i know the true character. 

[Asgard]

Hi @Alap 

Sorry for delay in getting back to you, if you tag me @Asgard then I will know that you have replied.  I really feel for you mate for what you are going through, it seems very unfair,  You seem to be doing all the right things, your partner however not so.  The advice that @defaultusername @MermaidHair have given you is spot on.  I know you think that she has tarnished your image, but your real friends will know that is not true.  Speaking with someone will lift a big load off your shoulders.  I have been reading a bit about narcissistic behaviour and its not pretty, as you already know.  Above all, you need to look after yourself.  You have some tough decisions to make, if only for your own mental health.  Take care mate   Asgard