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Morning @Sahara
I agree...anonymous is priority. It's a shame I don't get to see your art though. Art inspires me; it gives a glimpse into the world of that person, and conjures feelings within the observer as well.
When I was in my early teens, I created a make-shift studio in my dad's garage which he used to store work items. I painted a large picture of a dark tunnel with a tiny light at the end. Looking back, it was a perfect representation of how I felt, as well as where my future was heading. I don't think it was good as such, but as I said, it gave away a piece of my internal world.
I'm sort of impressed I actually remember it. Royal blue at the edges, graduating into black at the centre. I think my easel was made of old, large paint containers. Maybe I did have a space of my own for a while. 🙂
Unlike you, I was the eldest and was often made responsible for my younger siblings from a young age. Going through what I experienced, I instincively watched over them to make sure they were safe from my/our abusers.
Same at school; I often stood up for them in tight situations and when they left school, I took them into my home as a surrogate mother would. I taught them about money and tried to instil qualities of independence.
They were my children; the beginnings of my need to protect and care for others. That's a long time ago now, but an important aspect of my patterns of behaviour. I was still a child myself...blind leading the blind.
It is what it is though Sahara. I can't change it or make it better, but I can learn from it. I've stopped hurting 'for' them, and step back to allow their own paths to unfold; mistakes and all. It was a trial to begin with, then a massive relief to let them go.
I must say, writing about this has been theraputic, so thankyou again for engaging. Lovely...
Hope x 
Good morning @Former-Member
I haven't been on board for quite a while so responding to you is very belated I'm afraid. You've given me an idea of who you are which is on topic, so please don't worry ok.
It must be isolating being away from family, though healing must come first. Combatting complex PTSD is a massive task. I know this as I've been dealing with it most of my life, though I've faced many of my demons to date, so life's much easier than it once was thank goodness..
Actually, I bite my tongue...I was triggered last night by a movie after visiting my mum. I haven't cried like that in ages. My eyes are swollen this morning so viewing the screen's a bit cumbersome.
I have an appointment soon so I'll have to log off and maybe return later. Will be doing the dark glasses thing in public. I look 10 yrs older than I am.
Maybe we can chat later. 🙂
Hope x
I think my apologies for not being around to chat are getting a bit old. So I'll say instead; I pop in when I can and really enjoy what time I spend with you all when I'm here.
I'm in a place where I need to write my hurt. I won't continue here as the issue doesn't fall under the heading topic, so I'll create another thread to discuss my feelings there. I think I'll call it 'When food replaces love'
Thankyou to @Former-Member @Sahara @Phoenix_Rising @Zoe7 @Shaz51 @Sans911 @Faith-and-Hope @outlander @Bimby2 @TAB and @soul
...everyone who's contributed to this thread to date. You've all been so wonderful in welcoming me and engaging in conversation. It's not the end of course, but helping others isn't on my radar today, it's more about helping myself.
Hope xo
No need to worry about when/if you are able to 'pop in' @Hope4me - just nice to see you back when you can
So, my next installment of this thread...
It's been a while since I wrote as I haven't had the urge to pu-ge. Today though I was sitting down after a busy morning fixing the window coverings in the loungeroom admiring my achievements and thought; "This is something positive to write about".
The name of this thread indicates how my life's been, focusing on other people's problems and trying to pull back. It's been an uphill climb changing these habitual behaviours as they seem to invade every aspect of my world. They've been with me since I remember so I'm not surprised it's taken this long for progress. (4 years since my breakdown!)
I (and my home) have been in a funk; an intidy, unruley, feel sorry for me, what's the point, lazy funk. Gradually everything around me fell into disarray leaving me overwhelmed. So what did I do? Avoid all of it! Blah! I'm forgiving of myself though. No point berating, my mum does enough of that for both of us. Ha!!!
I wanted to share the feeling of achievement with you all. What I finished this morning was the end of yesterday's hellish endeavour to add venetian blinds to windows and add light to a dark room; the one I've hidden in since my brain broke.
I wanted desperately to give up because it challenged me so much, but I vowed to finish and be accountable. I'd forgotten how it felt to be accomplished at something I'm not familiar with. Pretty stoked actually. 
The thing is, I did it for me; not people who might visit or a critical mother. It had been on my to-do list along with many other tasks. Tick! One down, seventeen to go. lol I look forward to exploring my list one by one instead of dwelling over how many things I have to do. I deserve this feeling guys.
I know this post is a bit long winded, but I really needed to write it. Thanks for reading...
Hope xo